I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
