so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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