Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
