im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
