the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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