i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
