he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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