If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
they need to just BURY HIM!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
