the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
