So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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