Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
