will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
