I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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