i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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