You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
