I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
