How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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