Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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