We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
