I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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