I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
