afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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