I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
