Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
