Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
