AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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