If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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