Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
