wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
