Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
