I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
