im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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