Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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