Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize