a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
