you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
