id be glad to
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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