just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
