he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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