Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
