proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
