I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
