1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
