i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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