careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im part way to drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
