i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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