i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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