I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
only if we run a train.
done.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
