I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Say something about gay babies.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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