new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
