i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
