Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is