i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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