I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
