All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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