I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
