Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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