the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
