Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
