I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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