You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
