before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i think i just lost a toe
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
