you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
