Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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