I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
