We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
