Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
