im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
