I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
