Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
