BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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