Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
