Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
