The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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