I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
