if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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