Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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