she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
