yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So much rum. So many feels.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
