Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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