I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
