Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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